1. A cop stops a drunk man and asks: Where you going?
I'm going to listen the lecture about the harm of the drunkenness and alcoholism.
At night? And who will give a lecture?My wife and mother-in-law!

2. Two flies order some food in a restaurant. One says:
I'll take the shit with garlic.
And I'll take the same, but without garlic, said the other one. I don't like to have bad breath.

3. An astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope. Santa was observing him. Suddenly a star falls, seeing that Santa shouted, "Kya nishana lagaya hai!"

4. Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, you stupid bastard!

5. Why did the Santa put his finger over the nail when he was hammering?
A. The noise gave him a headache.

6. Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

7. Santa: Do you know the meaning of WIFE. It means...Without Information Fighting Every time!
Jeeto: It could also mean - With Idiot For Ever.

8. The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn`t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.

9. A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked young Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss."
"Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?"
"He went blue and collapsed."

10. What does a lazy dog chase?
A: Parked cars.